The Announcement: Holy Cow! - Are You Sure?

After the stunned silence passes, that's the first question we ask; isn't it dads?  Are you sure? Well of course your significant other is sure, otherwise there'd be no announcement. Right?  Ladies, if you do happen to read this, you'd better be sure.  If your lady is not sure, I hope she goes to see her doctor or gets a pregnancy test or both to be sure.  I'll tell you why.  We go through a lot of emotions, don't we dads?  Emotions that most of our partners have no idea that we go through.  And when the announcement is made, we dads-to-be fall into a couple of categories.

The dad that wants to be a dad: After the announcement, he's as excited as he can be. He wants to be a dad so he's as ready as he'll ever be. At least he thinks so, don't we dads?  But we are never truly prepared. Here's a crazy truth: no matter how much you read about or ask doctors about, no one is every truly prepared.  Every pregnancy and every baby are completely their own thing.  Sure, there are similarities, but no pregnancy is every like another and no baby is ever like another.  Guys, that's something you better learn and adapt to fast because the roller coaster is just starting.

Now, if you're the dad that wants to be a dad, which one are you? Yes, there are some categories within this category. Two actually.  The involved dad is the first one.  He's the one that wants to help with everything.  He wants to be a part of the whole process.  He wants to go to the appointments and make sure his lady is well taken care of. That's great guys, but don't over due it.  Don't smother her or you're in for a world of frustration.  If she says she's okay, or leave me alone, ask her once to verify then let her be.  She'll let you know when she needs you.  Get used to that idea gentlemen.  When your lady is pregnant, you are on call 24/7!

The not-involved dad is the second one in the category of the dad that wants to be a dad. Unfortunately, there are all too many of you guys out there.  You're excited to be a dad, but you either have no idea what to do so you do nothing or you have no interest in getting involved.  "She's pregnant, its her problem" seems to be your philosophy. Get over it gentlemen, once your lady is pregnant you are involved no matter how much you try to distance yourself from the situation. After talking to a lot of my fellow fathers, I know that some of you don't want to make matters worse or you're scared you're going to screw up so that's why you don't get as involved as you should. I'll tell you the cure for that; do research.  Get informed so that you won't be so out of your depth.  Because, let's face it guys, we are totally out of our depth when it comes a pregnant woman. Also get used to the idea that you probably will screw up from time to time.  I know we don't like to think we make mistakes or that we are fallible, but we are.  Come to terms with that as soon as you can because it will make you less frustrated than you might otherwise get.

The other category is the dad that doesn't want to be a dad. There are way too many of you that end up as father's.  If you don't want to be a dad, then don't have sex.  If you have to have sex, then have protected sex. But realize that that is no guarantee. Condoms get holes in them or break.  Birth control isn't a perfect fix either guys.  My wife has forgotten to take doses from time to time.  It happens. It's not malicious or intentional, it just happens; especially in the busy lives we all have these days.

If you don't want to be a dad but end up a dad anyway, get this thought out of your head: She's ruining my life. Another thought you need to get out of your head is that she did it on purpose.  These are both absolutely wrong (in almost every case this is true, but I'm sure there are a couple of exceptions. Get forced to watch enough T.V. movies and you'll see the possibilities).  She's not ruining your life, you are (if you choose to view it as ruined, which it's not). She didn't do it on purpose, you did.  You participated in the sex, so you are as much responsible as she is.  Get that through your thick skull.  You are NOT blameless in this so you need to step it up.  Take responsibility for your involvement in the creation process. You need to accept that you had a hand in your lady being pregnant and you need to get involved. It may not be what you planned, but all plans are out the window at this point.  You're life has officially changed.

Even if you want to be a dad and think your ready for it, once the announcement has been made and confirmed (because we need that confirmation don't we guys?), then you're life, as you know it, is done. It is now changing for the better, believe me.  There is nothing in the world that compares to holding your child for the first time. Nothing at all.

The worst kind of reaction that any guy could have out of this whole situation is to completely run away.  Maybe you run away because you don't want any part of it.  Maybe you run away because you don't want your child to have the life you had.  Maybe you think that running away will be better for your child.  It won't. That child will now carry some effect from you running away.  They may resent all fathers or men. They may hate your guts and be angry for the rest of their life which could lead to unpredictable and dangerous behavior. Or, they could want to hunt you down to ask why or give you a piece of their mind.  No matter what you think, you're still involved.  You're still a part of that child's life in some way.  So don't run away, take responsibility and get involved.  Get informed and get ready.

Whichever dad you are, whichever category you fall into, you are a father.  Once you've got your confirmation, that child is yours not matter what you do. As my mom has always said "Once a parent, always a parent." I guess the final thing I want to say for this article is this: Choose to be a dad, not just the father of the child.  Choose to get involved and be an active part of that child's life. Because, no matter what, you are, large or small, a part of that child's life.

I chose to be the excited dad, and I have no regrets.  I love my son to death and would do anything for him.  Make that choice gentlemen and you won't regret it either.

What's My Purpose You Ask?

My purpose? To post articles about what it's like being dad from a dads point of view and to offer advice, ideas, and a forum for discussion for all dads.

I did a lot research when my wife announced that we were pregnant to find books, websites, and quick access to information that would help me as a first time dad.  I gotta tell you, even the stuff I found that said it was aimed at dads ended up being about the mom.  That's not what I want to do here.  I want to give dads a place to talk, seek advice, and stay focused on dads.

We don't always show or convey our emotions as men and that's something we'll talk about here as well. Are we going to get all mushy and sobby?  Maybe, maybe not.  We'll see how that all develops.  We certainly could end up in that direction depending on the occasion or the discussion; so I won't discount the possibility.  And, I won't discourage it.  If you want to get emotional, please do, there are no judgments here. That's what this place is for.

I will offer advice to first time dads, long time dads, young dads, old dads, and any other kind of dad. Does that mean moms will be completely excluded? No, they are welcome to stop by and read what we are talking about.  They can even chime in if they want.  But, I hope that all moms stopping by will view what's here with an open mind and maybe walk away with a better understanding of where their husbands, boyfriends, or partners are coming from.  Maybe, in my own way, I can help people become closer and better for themselves and their children.

I'll throw out ideas for how to deal with certain situations and I'll happily welcome any ideas people have for me to deal with situations that I run into.  There's a lot of different opinions and ways to deal with things that pop up.  I hope to help clarify some of that.

Some days will just be open discussion days for people to just vent and bring their problems out into the open.  I have a lot of friends who are dads and they will pop in from time to time to offer their advice as well.  Plus, I hope to have a few of them throw in some guest articles that may clarify things for those of you who need clarification on things.

Finally, I will do product reviews of the items that helped me and my wife with our lovely son.  There are some amazingly useful products out there and some that just make you wonder why the heck you even paid money for it.  We'll go over all of that in due time.

No, I'm not a psychologist or doctor of any kind.  I'm just an ordinary guy who believes that ordinary guys need the unfiltered up front information that can only come from an ordinary guy.

I plan to offer something new every couple of days, so drop in, say hello and enjoy what you see coming next!

Thanks for joining me!

Mike